People say it takes 21 days to form a habit. Well, if I follow that, then yes, I’ve formed the habit of not talking to him. 49 days. One day shy of 50.
It was a very, very, VERY, challenging 49 days. It was 49 days of me going crazy because I knew I was stopping myself from doing something I like doing, and 49 days of me pretending nothing’s wrong while desperately looking for something to replace him with. It was 49 days of anger, sadness, melancholy, happiness, and withdrawal.
The 49 days ended because he talked to me yesterday. Yesterday when I realized I shouldn’t be running away from him, he finally got a hold of me. When he did, I didn’t want him to let go anymore, but I knew I should just walk away.
And so I did.
I walked away with my head held high, thinking to myself, “Fuck, I miss him. But I can’t do this again.”
It was the best 10 minutes in all those 49 days, but it needed to end there, and so it will end there. I left counting again, and today is again Day 1.