Word Vomit

I’ll write in bullets because right now, writing a coherent blog entry is the last thing on my mind. I am writing for memory’s sake, because I want to go back and read this and remember this time.

  • Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. I don’t know how to feel. What used to be joy and anticipation, is now an emotion I could not describe.
  • My mind is half preoccupied by the thoughts of him. Now that we’re okay, and back to where we used to be, well, I don’t want to leave his side. More thoughts in my mind, since I don’t know what I’ll be going back to. I’m still in limbo, but I’m happier. Is that even possible?
  • What will I do if suddenly I don’t make it to the actual thing?
  • I’ll miss my family. No matter how dysfunctional we are, I know missing them will be like having a body part missing.
  • I’m scared I won’t be myself after this.
  • I want to remember Friday night – when he told me all those things. I know he loves me, and now I know it wasn’t just me who was feeling that way. It was hard for him too, not having me there, in the same way that it was hard for me to leave his side. Apparently, we were sharing the same experiences unknowingly — we were dreaming about each other, and we were both avoiding our old places/things. Two days isn’t enough to compensate for the 4 months we were apart.
  • I know, when I get back, he’ll tell me the words I’ve been waiting for him to say.
  • Thank you, God, for this opportunity. I don’t know what I did for you to bless me like this, but thank you nevertheless. I will make you proud. I will make everyone proud. πŸ™‚

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