Throwback Entry from November 15, 2007

Today was a boring day at work so I ended up reading old blog posts from college. Guess what I stumbled upon! Hahahaha.

Not a lot of people know that I actually took the UP LAE twice, one in 2007, and one in 2011. This was my 21 year old self talking about how scary the future is.

tomorrow, I will finally do something concrete for my future. [11/15/07 – 12:25 pm]
When I was a kid, when anyone asks me what I wanted to be in the future, I always said that I wanted to be a lawyer. It seemed like the perfect job — most lawyers are sort of well off, and no one messes with lawyers, because they know how to protect themselves. At the same time, I’ve always admired people who could speak so forcefully without being rude, people who are eloquent and very good with words.

But when it came to a point when I realized how hard it is to become one, suddenly, it was like I didn’t want to become one anymore. Having to go through 4 more years of school (and this time, it won’t be like how I got by college. I’m really gonna have to STUDY.), and having to read lots and lots and lots of readings and shit did not really excite me. It’s like.. I know I want to be a lawyer in the future, but I didn’t want to go through all the things that will make me one.

And so I left it up to fate. (In other words, hindi ko na siya inisip, and pretended that the dilemma did not exist. Hahaha.)

Now, when I’m suddenly becoming open to my other career choices, my dad comes barging in and orders me to take law school entrance exams, regardless of whether I wanted to become one or not.

So that’s why, tomorrow, I’m going to be submitting my UP Law application form.

Honestly, I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. I’m nervous because regardless of whether I do go to law school, submitting the application form is already a big step towards my future. Sabi nga ni Tina kanina, at least, I’m finally doing something concrete about it. I’m nervous because it feels like.. it’s really going to happen. It’s becoming a real possibility for me. I’m also nervous because I might be embarking on something that I don’t really want to go through, and in a sense,closing all doors to other things that I may want to do in the future.

But at the same time, I’m also just cool about it all. There’s still the question of whether I’ll pass the test or not (given that apparently, there’s a math section, and I TOTALLY SUCK AT MATH. I don’t even remember a thing about Ma11.), so there’s still a chance that I may not be able to go to law school after all.

I’m excited too, because this may turn out as another blessing in disguise, just like how I got into the Ateneo. (My dad first forced me to go here, despite my wanting to go to DLSU, but I ended up enjoying every bit of my stay in Ateneo.)

In the end, what am I to do? Obviously, if you know me, you’d know what I’m probably doing right now. (Yes, I’m pretending the dilemma doesn’t exist.) I’m just letting fate decide things for me, since I can’t really decide on this for myself.

I’m going through with the application, but I’m absolutely refusing to study for the test. I’ll answer the test with whatever knowledge I have right now. If I’m meant to go there, then I’ll pass. If I’m not, then maybe its time to look for a job. 🙂