I’m a random Starbucks branch right now to work, but I just suddenly had this urge to write. What I’m going to write about, I still don’t know. Let’s just see where this takes me. 🙂
I hope everything has been going well with you guys. Life has been extra difficult for me lately — more because I feel like I’m taking on more than what I’m used to. Tomorrow starts my 4th week of being back in school again. Who would’ve thought I’d become a working student at some point in my life, right?
Early this morning I dreamt about you, about us. Just like all my other dreams (yes, they have become quite numerous and frequent to ignore,) it was about you realizing that you had made a mistake; that it was me all along that you wanted to be with. And like all my other dreams, I woke up feeling all warm inside. It’s that feeling you get when you’re hugged real tight, like no one can harm you and no one can break you. A few minutes after, it turned to that familiar feeling of confusion, and then sadness. It dawned on me that it was all just a dream, and you were still with someone else.
A few days ago, I celebrated my 28th birthday. I don’t know, maybe its just me, but every time I add another year to my age, the celebrations get more and more bittersweet. In fact, I think the only reason why I even celebrate is so that I don’t drown in the regrets of my younger years. Particularly for this birthday, I had wanted to celebrate despite my current state of financial distress, just so the week wouldn’t be remembered in my book as the week with the major heartbreak from that 10 year pseudo relationship. (More on that on another entry, maybe. Haha.)
Why me, I wonder.
I’m the one with the mess, the one plagued by demons, the one with the smashed up heart. Nobody ever looked at me and thought that redemption was possible. Nobody except him. I don’t understand it; maybe I never will. Maybe I never have to. Because all that’s left is gratitude, the non-stop thank you, and hope. The hope that I can be so much more than my brokenness because I mean something to someone.
Perhaps that’s what happens when love finds you.
At the heart of the story of the cross is this:
God believes in you. Even when you doubt that he exists, or when you don’t believe in yourself, God has always believed in you so much so that he thought you were worth the cross.
Today I finally went out of the house to do my yearly Lenten habit — the Walkway in Bonifacio High Street. Albeit the obviously bigger budget (bigger panels!) and the new sponsors (aka Viber,) it was still the same Walkway that makes you relate Christ’s last few moments to your own life.
This year, this is what resonated with me; Station 13 on Mary Magdalene. I’m sharing it here in case anyone feels the same way I do too. 🙂
I’m officially welcoming myself to WordPress, after being a Blogger user for almost a decade. I’m having a bit of trouble customizing my blog though — well, not like I’m any good at it. I actually don’t have a clue as to what I’m doing. Hahaha. If you wanna help me, it would be much, much appreciated. 🙂
Anyway, that’s about it for now!