Quarantine Diaries Day 77: Easing Out

After suffering/surviving through the world’s longest lockdown period, (Wuhan only spent 76 days on lockdown!) the Philippine government has declared that tomorrow, June 1, we will be on General Community Quarantine (GCQ.)

What does this mean? Well, for one, we can now go out of the house. Businesses are reopening, and people can now return back to work. To be honest, I don’t feel so good about this, because this seems to be a decision based on economic reasons, and not because the Philippines has beaten the COVID-19 virus.

I am afraid at the thought of things slowly going back to normal at this point. It seems surreal that the Supreme Court has been issuing Circulars about going back to normal, when clearly, THINGS ARE NOT YET OKAY. Huhu.

But that aside, I am giving myself a pat on the back for surviving 77 days at home, trying to keep sane despite the world’s craziness. Tomorrow comes another challenge – how to survive the new normal. Good luck to all of us!

Quarantine Diaries Day 39: What I Would Give for a Pool Right Now

So yes, as I had predicted in my previous post, the ECQ had been extended to April 30. One more week and hopefully, we’ll get some sense of normalcy with life.

(But today there’s news that the President will decide if the ECQ will once again be extended. To be honest, I don’t know how I feel about this, so let’s just not talk about it.) 

I had to literally count again how many days it has been since the ECQ started because after my last post, I just stopped counting. The days are starting to just merge together, and it’s starting not to matter what day it is.  (Except for Sundays, because my sister and I always have food delivered on Sundays. I get to satisfy my cravings and eat happy food!)

Summer is in full swing, so the days have become hotter than usual. Yesterday’s real feel temperature was a whopping 42 degrees! It’s becoming harder and harder to feel optimistic about things if you’re sweating like a pig while just sitting down.

I am reminded of summer vacations back when I was in grade school and high school. Because I was such a homebody growing up, I spent summer vacations holed up inside the house, cross-stitching (Yes, go imagine that!) or doing crochet. When I was 13 my mom bought me the first Playstation, and I’d spend the entire afternoon playing tekken, bust a groove, or dance dance revolution with my dance pad. Hahaha. At 4:00 pm, I’d stop and watch Meteor Garden.

Same as now – I’d have no sense of time. I wouldn’t know what day it was, and would only remember Sunday because it was time to go to Church. But life was happier then.

 

Quarantine Diaries Day 19: Alternate Realities

WOW. It’s been 19 days. Just like that, we’re more than halfway done with the ECQ.

But this is just false hope, I know. With how things are going, I’m almost a hundred percent sure that this ECQ will be extended. Actually, the thought sends me mixed feelings of dread and hope – dread because how much longer will our lives feel like it’s suspended in mid-air; and hope because at least the government FINALLY has some sense of control over things. Finally, we’re getting medical solutions rather than just bringing out the military and the police with orders to shoot to kill.

(Side note: The government finally gave in the calls of mass testing to start on April 14 – which was supposed to be the day the ECQ was to be lifted. So obviously, if they’re just about to conduct widespread testing by that date, it really wouldn’t make sense to let people out of their homes yet because the numbers will surely spike up.) 

So anyway, I’m slowly getting the hang of this ECQ. I wake up at noon, work in the afternoons, watch the news in the evening, then at about 10pm or so, I watch documentaries on Youtube. I’ve recently been binging on iWitness documentaries, and I started with a playlist of all their historical documentaries. So far, this has been my favorite. It’s a documentary on the El Fraile island, also known as Fort Drum — that island in Manila Bay that’s shaped like a warship.

Moments like these I think that maybe I’ve missed out on my real calling. If I weren’t a lawyer, I’d probably working in the NHC or something. Or in the academe doing research about these things. In an alternative universe, I’d be like Liza Soberano in Alone/Together – a UP grad, struggling to work in the field of arts. Lol.

But then again I am reminded of how hard I worked on being a lawyer for so long, how dare I even think of an alternative occupation. Hahaha.

Quarantine Diaries Day 13: Loss and Remembrance

I had been dreading today because today would have been Papa’s 74th birthday. The period beginning his birthday until the anniversary of his death is always hardest for me. I am reminded of this time two years ago, which was a very, very dark time in my life. Truth be told, I still tear up whenever I remember the events of two years ago. I don’t think I will ever get over it.

But more than that, today I woke up with the sad news that my aunt had passed away. She was perhaps the closest to me of my mom’s siblings while I was growing up – being the only other female aside from my mom in a brood of all male siblings.

She used to be the cool tita whom we all liked to spend time with. Before she became ultra religious, we’d have our little moments with her. With me it was the shoes – I remember the pre-pubescent me being the recipient of so many pairs of heels which my mom did not want me wearing.

When she became ultra religious, life became complicated. It became difficult for me to be my real self with her, so I ended up just avoiding her instead of getting preached upon. Good thing she was on Facebook, so I could at least keep track of what was happening to her.

When I had heard that she was seriously ill, I made that mental note to visit when I get the chance. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to, and I think that’s part of what’s eating me right now. That, and the fact that because of the ECQ, none of us could go to Cebu and attend the wake.

So this is for you, Tita Dang. I hope the welcome you’re getting from Mama and Papa are as good as I’m imagining. 🙂 

Quarantine Diaries Days 9/10: Nothing Important Here

For days 9 and 10, here is a collection of random, mundane thoughts that have been going through my mind these past days.

It has been 10 days now that I have not fixed my hair, worn make-up, or worn a bra. Hahaha. The other night I went on a video call with a friend and she was shocked that my hair was really, really curly, and even said that she has never seen my real hair until then.

I have had a complex about my curly hair ever since I can remember. I also remember blaming my mom for it – so I got a beating afterwards. Hahahaha.

I realize now that I never really gave my curly hair a chance. While I was growing up, the standard of beauty was having long, silky, straight hair, and I had none of those so early on I had set my heart on getting my hair straightened. Imagine, I have been getting my hair straightened for more than half my life now. I get it relaxed every couple of months, and have it blowdried and ironed out everyday. Wow.

So now I’m happy my hair gets to rest a bit. Even my skin. Although I’m wondering why I two huge ass pimples on my chin, considering I’m just at home.

Anyway, on to more semi-important things – I’m sad that I didn’t get to retain all the Political Law knowledge I had acquired during Bar Review. I find myself trying to keep up with all the Consti provisions being thrown out but failing. Huhu.

Okay, enough for mundane things! Off to work now!

Quarantine Diaries Day 8: Human Rights and Mental Health

Today I woke up fearing the worst. It’s been everyday in the past week that I’ve been hurriedly trying to check my phone upon waking up, waiting to see what other horrible thing has happened. Today, however, was extra dreadful. The President called for a special session of Congress to ask for emergency powers, and they were convening today.

Call me crazy but I really care about things like that. The President (this President in particular) having emergency powers is like being one step behind Martial Law. The early drafts of the Senate/House Bills show that he is asking for control over Congress’ power of the purse, and also control over private businesses.  Don’t even get me started on the other provisions – my brain is already imagining how my Political Law professors would be calling this move by the President. It’s like we’re seeing a Martial Law documentary unfolding right before our eyes.

So because I had extra rage – I went on Twitter, set my profile to public, and started lashing out at posts that I thought was absurd. Also at people who continue to irk me. Hahaha. Yes, I can be petty like that.

One post got my attention – that clip of Martin Dino saying that “there is no longer human rights because of the State of Emergency.” I mean, how absurd is that!?

Under no circumstances can human rights be totally obliterated. Yes, some freedoms may be restricted, i.e. the right to travel, but to say “that there is no longer human rights” is quite honestly, just plain bullshit. And I am scandalized by the fact that people like him are and remain in government.

Anyway, going back. It actually felt very refreshing not having to care about what people would think about my posts. Maybe that’s what I needed – because I’ve been feeling physically constrained by the circumstances, not having to censor my true thoughts felt like such a blessing.

And today was a good day for work too! I was able to finish deliverables, so for a few hours there I didn’t feel so out of control. So yes, today was a good day for my mental health. Yay. 🙂

Quarantine Diaries Day 7: Cabin Fever

Today I was restless, irritable, and cranky. I knew I had things to do, but I suddenly did not want to do anything productive. I found myself just lying in bed, browsing stuff on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. Then I’d get so nega, I’d shut it off. Ten minutes later, I’d open it up again because my hands have been so used to reaching for my phone when idle. I couldn’t find the patience to even strike up conversations with other people.

When my sister started bitching about her room’s aircon, I wanted to bite her head off. Ang dami dami na ngang nangyayari sa mundo tapos magrereklamo pa tungkol sa aircon. Good thing she eventually stopped bitching about it soon after.

So yes, today wasn’t a good day and I’m glad it’s almost over.

Of course now that I’m writing, I realize that maybe today I finally showed symptoms of Cabin Fever. This article tells us that:

“It involves a range of negative emotions and distress related to restricted movement: irritability, boredom, some hopelessness and even, behaviorally, restlessness and difficulty concentrating. Those would be the constellation of symptoms one might expect if they were feeling that way.”

Looks like I do have Cabin Fever. I hope when I wake up tomorrow I’ll be in a much better temperament. We’ve still got a long way with this quarantine!

Quarantine Diaries Day 6: The Onset of Summer and the Burning of Mocha Uson

After almost a week of being cooped up at home, I finally got to feel some sunlight. And boy, was it really, really, hot outside! Yes, summer is definitely here. (And now I start worrying about our electricity bill haha.)

I had initially planned to walk to the village office to get our Quarantine Pass, but it was so hot outside, I ended up driving the 200 meters from our house to the office. Lol. My sister and I also ventured out of the house to look for food (Because I had an intense craving for pastries. lol.), so I got to see a bit of how it was outside. It was timely, actually. I was feeling a bit closed in at home already.

Anyway, last night there was a concerted effort to report the Mocha Uson Facebook page to have it taken down. As a result, when I woke up today I saw some posts talking about how it was an interference to with Mocha’s Freedom of Expression to have her page taken down by Facebook.

Of course I disagree, primarily because this freedom is not absolute. She has been so haphazard with exercising her FOE in the past, posting fake news, half-truths, and narratives that are so far from the truth. What happened last night was merely her day of reckoning – people finally had the time to report her as a source of fake news/hate speech.

But on a more academic note, under the Philippine Constitution, she cannot invoke her FOE as against other private individuals because rights in the Bill of Rights generally may only be invoked as against the State, with the exception only of the Right to Privacy. For the layman, this means that you can invoke your FOE only if the government does something to stop you from exercising it – say, the government stops a newspaper from publishing or a network from broadcasting for some mundane reason (*ahem* *Rappler* *ahem* *ABSCBN*). 

Meanwhile, you can’t say that your FOE was violated if your employer stops you from posting photos featuring their company logo. You also can’t complain of your FOE being violated if your mom wants you to stop posting on Facebook.

With the thousands, if not millions of people who reported Mocha’s Facebook page last night, it was ultimately Facebook that took down her page presumably for not being compliant with its community standards. (Assuming it was indeed taken down, and she didn’t just take down her page by herself.)  In the wake of the 2015 ECtHR case of Delfi AS vs Estonia, online intermediaries such as Facebook, Twitter, etc. have become more strict in monitoring content posted on their websites. The European Court of Human Rights in that case held that they themselves may be held liable for defamatory speech or even hate speech if they fail to remove such defamatory or hate speech.

In my view, it’s just about right that online intermediaries take some of the responsibility in ensuring that what is posted on the internet is only speech that contributes to the marketplace of ideas. If people cannot be trusted to post only verifiable news or claims, then who is to make sure that this doesn’t lead to people being misled?

There’s so much trash on the internet nowadays and not everyone is mature enough to determine for themselves what’s real or not. Unfortunately, the Duterte government has since 2016 exploited this platform, together with the naivety of most users, to misinform and divide Filipinos. Last night was merely a show that people have had enough of it.

 

 

 

Quarantine Diaries Day 5: The Pressure of King Lear

Today is Friday, Day 5 of the Enhanced Community Quarantine. It’s a Friday, but by now the days have been blending in with each other, so it doesn’t really matter much anymore.

I wasn’t able to get some real work done today, but I did get to finish editing the speeches of my Moot kids for the competition. So, yay for me!

Anyway, last Monday, I had made a list of things that I needed to within the week, and of course, I wasn’t able to do majority of them. I was about to feel awful about myself, when I read this article. Basically, it talks about how it’s perfectly understandable not to be on the same level of productivity as others, especially at a time like this. Now is  the time to be self-compassionate and not self-critical. Shakespeare did write King Lear while on quarantine, but everyone responds to situations like these differently.

I like making lists – everyone who knows me would know that. Lists help me organize my thoughts and keep track of everything I need to do in my life. Now that everything’s at a standstill, I initially thought that my lists would help me keep my sanity – that it would allow me to still feel in control. What I didn’t realize was that it caused additional anxiety. I was pressuring myself unnecessarily, and this was anxiety I didn’t need in light of what is happening now in the world.

So there –  starting today, I’m going to be more forgiving of myself if I don’t get to abide by what I planned to do for the week.

In other news, today I was surprised that our helper was still a bit oblivious about this whole COVID-19 virus issue. I had been telling her everyday the past few days to minimize going outside of the house because bawal na, but I never really thought that I had to explain to her what was going on. She started asking why the village enforced a curfew (because she saw guards roaming within the village streets telling people to go home) and I had to tell her that it was because our village wanted to make sure that the virus was contained as much as possible.

I went on to tell her that the virus was highly contagious, and when someone tests positive for the virus, it’s immediately off to strict quarantine. And, considering it’s just the three of us here, we really cannot afford to have anyone of us get sick. She got scared (which, to be honest was the desired response), understandably.  But then this got me thinking about how despite it being on the news and social media all day everyday, not everyone understands the gravity of what’s going on.

That being said, I hope we all take time to explain to our kasambahays, drivers, staff, etc. how serious this all is. And I hope we extend our concern to them during times like these.

P.S. (21 March 2020)

Found this article today,

“For some of us, tackling various projects can provide the sense of structure we may need to feel sane in this uncertain time. But ultimately, this is not the time to pressure ourselves to undertake any of those self-improvement missions. It’s the time to take a breath. And, when that’s done, to take another one.

x x x

And in times of uncertainty, there’s productivity in pausing — in setting work aside to check in with your friends, your family, yourself. In tending to your feelings instead of your output. In remembering that you’re human, and that being human still matters. And, perhaps, that the world really doesn’t need another King Lear.”

 

 

Quarantine Diaries Day 4: Privilege amidst a Pandemic

Hello, WordPress! It’s been years since I updated, I know. But since basically almost the entire Philippines is on Quarantine because of the COVID-19 virus (“veerus” lol) I thought might as well start writing again.

So today is Day 4 of the Enhanced Community Quarantine, so today is also Day 4 of being cooped up in the house. Of course, I know that I’m technically one of the more privileged amongst millions of Filipinos also in this kind of situation, so please don’t think that I’m unaware of this privilege when you read my posts. That is, in case anyone is even bothering to read my posts.

I have decided to start writing again because recently, my anxiety levels have been through the roof with everything that’s been going on. I have so many thoughts – some valid, some mundane, that I feel like I need/want to voice out for the benefit of my mental health. My extroverted self is beginning to feel the isolation, notwithstanding social media and all the messaging apps.

So anyway, I’ve been trying to work for the better part of the last three hours, but my brain just can’t seem to concentrate on what I’m supposed to be doing. Not like I have tons to do, you know. I think my primary concern nowadays work-wise is that I don’t think I have enough work to tide me over for the next few weeks. I really should’ve brought with me all my files from the office.

But I digress. Recently there’s been talk about people needing to check their privilege amidst these trying times. Social media influencers have come about, with posts telling motherf*ckers to just stay the f*ck home (looking at you, Cat Arambulo haha) while watching the news on their huge ass television sets in their airconditioned rooms. To be honest, I have had some of those thoughts. I just thank my parents and my schools for my woke upbringing, that my burgis self isn’t insensitive enough to go to the extent of cursing at people for doing what they need to do to survive.

While I/we acknowledge the need to strictly enforce the community quarantine, it would most definitely help if contingency plans were FIRST put into place to address concerns of survival before anything is implemented. Yun lang naman ang hinihingi. No one wants to get sick, and no one wants to die of starvation. Those are two legitimate concerns which the government must address in a systematic and organized way. As it stands, everything feels like a bandaid solution to what people have been clamoring for on social media.

Anyway, I think I shall continue with this in the coming days. I just once again discovered how much writing clears my thoughts, especially in times like these when daily habits/social structures are disrupted.